Friday, June 1, 2012

Serenity Now

“Serenity comes when you trade expectations for acceptance.” ~Unknown
I came across this quote at such a crucial juncture on my MS-laden journey. Before then I had no direction and I was not sure where my life was headed. MS overshadowed me. It has led me to inconceivable places and situations.
But that simple sentence helped me to redirect my course. I realize now that acceptance is something that I’ll be doing over and over again. Like steadily peeling off the layers of an onion.
But even with over a decade of experience sometimes I find myself going off course. Once I realize what is happening I try to get back on track. I have to overcome my childish demeanor, which is usually fueled by anger and sadness. Unfortunately this behavior steers me miles away from the island of acceptance I am continuously headed toward.
In my consistent search for serenity I’ve learned it’s not a stagnate place. It’s forever eluding me, yet sometimes I can be standing right in its midst. Yes, I thought I owned it. I thought I was there, but I looked around and no longer recognized myself.
Serenity is a state of being calm, peaceful, and untroubled. Almost the total opposite of what I’ve been living due to my unwanted companion. How can I accept this? Why should I embrace this life?
Because it’s the only one I have.
I can’t trade it in. At my lowest point if I need to rest, then indeed I shall stop and rest. In fact, if I can be proactive and not let it get to that point that would be even better! What I know for sure is that I’m drifting closer to that oasis called serenity, closer yet again to acceptance of what is. No matter how different it may be from what I want or planned for!


  1. Hi - I call my having MS and its varying truths my "abnormal-normal" and I also have a saying "I celebrate my freedoms while accepting my limits".

    Great post.
    With hope for us all

  2. Acceptance is difficult. My husband took about 2 years to accept my limitations, having MS for about 6 years has made both of us learning to accept and understand. It would be wonderful to feel serenity along with acceptance.

  3. Beautiful post. I am at the beginning of this journey and find solace in your words.

  4. I was diagnosed after having my first child. I had a stressful boss which caused my MS. At first I denied it. After my second child in 2004 there was no denying it. I lost my job because I could not fake liking the people around me anymore. I liked my job once I learned how to find outlets to deal with stress. Now we are in a recession and it is very difficult to find a job. I really enjoyed the type of work I was doing. Now I am looking for work that will give me the benefits I need and is similar to my old job. I had my last baby boy and I cannot have any more children. I have accepted MS but I do not think I can take the stress of having my kids suffer.

  5. Nicole,
    Thank you for you subdued positivity. If I remember correctly, I found my serenity when I stopped working (after 16 yrs teaching h.s. EFL, a college course, and adult prep courses for university acceptance). I was so totally wrapped up in my jobs that I forgot about myself.

    My philosophy since dx in 1998 has been to take the given situation, however and whenever it is, and do the best I can to have a full, happy, positive life. Yes, it took a little time. Yes, I still find myself occasionally "wishing" I could still do some of the things I used to love and just can't do anymore. BUT, life is good. My life is beautiful. My motto is "day by day, hour by hour".

    Peace & Serenity,

  6. Nicole,
    Thank you so much for this share. I am the husband of a beautiful woman who has had MS for about 9 years now. We have been married for 24 years, raised two beautiful children, and for the most part had a fantastic relationship. My wife's MS, along with other "junk" on both of our parts (because we all know when we are honest with ourselves that we have our junk) took a huge toll on our relationship the last couple of years. My wife unfortunately left the house and our relationship about 6 weeks ago. What a huge wake up call. I have been working to try and understand just what happened. Part of that work was subscribing to this blog. I read your blog the other morning, and it very much moved me emotionally. I decided to forward it to my wife via email, and she was also moved by it. It earned me a lunch date! Who knows what the future brings, none of us do. Very much the point of your blog. I wanted to share back to you, and let you know that your blog has helped us in a meaningful way.
    Thank you very much. Frank