Wednesday, May 2, 2012

The Funk


Have you ever been mad but really can’t figure out why? I can’t explain or understand the reason, but for the last couple of weeks I have been upset at the world. I am in what some people might call a “funk.” This is where no matter what you do or what good happens you can’t seem to be happy. In my case, if I won the lottery right now I would be mad over paying the obligatory taxes!

This space is not new to me, but I always have a difficult time handling it. Unfortunately, it causes me to watch life pass me by. The worst part is I have been slapping my new-found frustrations in the faces of those around me--i.e., my husband. I receive his hints on ways to conserve energy as insults. I take his suggestions of traveling when the sun is down as belittlement.  My responses to his ideas are often aloof and abrupt.  Sometimes I don’t recognize what I am doing until it is too late and we are both mad. The “funk” makes me want to sit at home and do nothing. The last thing on my mind is going out in public and mingling.

But despite how I treat him, my husband still tries his best to keep me involved and interested in the world around me.  In order to push through the” funk”, I have been halfheartedly agreeing to venture outside of my four walls hoping that an outing will snap me out of it. So far it has not helped. Going out actually seems to be making it worse.  Being among a bunch of able-bodied people bothers me. Jealousy? You bet!

When I see individuals walking around in the mall or jogging at the park I wish I could join them. I become envious and bitter just by seeing people enjoying themselves. I can’t do what they are doing because of my body’s heat intolerance, lack of balance and my biggest nemesis, fatigue. My resentment makes me blind to having fun. This reality ruins the purpose of the entire outing. Again, I seem to play a mere observer.

I try to focus on what I can do, but that trick can only take me so far before I begin to reminisce about days of old. The measures I used in the past to stop the “funk” aren’t as effective anymore. My attempts at outside excursions have fallen short and thinking happy thoughts seem more like a cliché than a remedy. 

To be honest, I think this particular “funk” is because I’m quickly getting weaker.  Every time I sit on my scooter I feel as if it’s sucking the strength right out of me. Everything is hard. My “new normals” are coming faster than I can accommodate; faster than I bargained for.

In the end, all I did was let loose a healthy little cry. Seems like every now and then that’s all I can do.
 

77 comments:

  1. I have the same problem and then I get more frustrated because I know that it is my fault. I can especially relate with seeing people jogging because not only do I have MS but I had knee surgery and was told I will never jog again. The hardest part is that I was a soldier in the U.S. Army and deployed to war zone and now I can not do 3/4ths of the things I use to. I cry at times and yet that does not always do it for me. Some would say I am depressed when I am not but I am just angry and frustrated. My daughter and my husband are great though and very patient with me. What makes it worse the fact that we are living in Germany and its harder when you can not communicate near as well as back home in the states. Stress plus anger plus frustration equals an unhappy person but got to take those challenges one day at a time it seems.

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    1. Amanda, so sorry you are feeling the funk. But from your last sentence sounds like you're on the right track out of it.
      it's hard I know,but hang in there!

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  2. This describes me to a T right now.
    Ugh.
    Hope you're out of your funk soon:) xx

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    1. christeeny, You got it too? Maybe something is going around! No just kidding. It did pass though not to long after I wrote about it. Maybe yours will head out shortly too. :)

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  3. I must say I agree with you 100%!Over the last fifteen years, I've hit that area a few times. Think I might be in a lil one now, as my better half is wondering why the smallest things the kids do is setting me off. It's funny how it just creeps up on you and then BAM, you're deep in it. What does work for me is getting out. Walking far is a thing of the past but I still like to get out there and do what I can. I love taking long rides to nowhere sometimes and just the beauty of the trees and blue sky's seem to pick me up. I think spring is hard for me because in years past I'd start thinking of all the things I wanted to do and making special plans didn't come into play.I'm not use to my special plans and I just go with it. I hope you can find your way out of the "Funk" soon. We all know how you feel. Just know you're not alone.

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    1. Kevin, Thanks for reading and understanding. That helps too

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  4. I know exactly how you feel. I refer to it as just feeling BLAH. It seems to happen two or three times each year. I know some of it is just me lamenting the old life I had, while reconciling myself to the new life I had thrust upon me. Not really depressed, I have meds for that, and not really angry, that adds no value.

    For me, what works best, although not always, is to simply accomplish something other than normal existance. Even if it is just a small project that never got finished, and the priorities of reality doom it to stay that way forever. Sometimes just accomplishing one thing is a win. Selfishly spending an hour or two on one of my priorities makes me feel better somehow.

    In the end, I realize that much of what I started out expecting from life is going to be very different than I had hoped. I think it is that way for everyone though, although the reasons are different. For me, it is the MS that changed my plans, and for others it is something else, like career changes, death of loved ones, or school forever delayed while life happens. The main thing that I have to work hard to keep in mind, is that there are challenges in life for all of us, mine just happens to be medical.

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    1. Beltie, You have such a nice perspective on this. Thanks I think I'll take your advice! Stay well.

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  5. Wow, I hear ya. I have days like this sometimes weeks but I can usually cycle through it. Usually if I plan an outing with my best girlfriends and stick to it, It gives me a much needed boost. However if find that I get resentful because some people just have a lack of understanding about M.S. and tend to want to minamalize or not acknowledge my struggles because to look at me, I look pretty healthy. Have some friends that don't understand that I can't stay up and party all night. I cant stand lound booming music or noise. I'm pooped out and ready for bed by 9:00 so I can't entertain folks in my home till all hours. My stamina or lack there of does get me down. My cognitive issues also do a number on me at times so I feel somewhat self conscience. I guess all of us MSers must strugle with these feelings to some extent. I think the answer is to just keep on keeping on...what else can we do?

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    1. Shelly, Yes I find you are right. Both about the an outing with friends and to just keep on keeping on!

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    2. I agree Shelly. An outing with friends helps but usually that involves at some point saying I can't keep up which just adds to the "funk" feeling. The fatique is killing me and I just don't know how to get through it. What do the rest of you do for the extreme fatique??

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    3. I can totally relate as well. I am exhausted by 9 every night, and loud noises are almost intolerable to me. The only thing I can do for my fatigue is have a few days to myself to rest. I am a single Mom with 2 young boys who are very loud on a daily basis and sometimes I feel like I am gonna go totally insane! When it gets that bad I call in the troops- My parents or sisters will take the kids off my hands and give me some down time to recup !

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  6. I get stuck thinking of what I could do a year ago, what I can't do now, and what shape I'm going to be in this time next year at this rate...it is a positively crushing thought process. I feel like maybe one good day, one small victory will help lift my spirits; but I'm still waiting for that to happen. It is nice to know I'm not alone here on this blog, but for everyone else's sake I wish I were. This sucks out loud.

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    1. Emily, Hang in there. It always surprises me how many of us have to deal with the same things. IPersonally if I dwell on what I use to do it also brings me down as well. For that I try to catch myself in the process and remember its a dead end road! :)

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  7. Been there too with my MS.

    Right now I'm in my "weird" mode... meaning I'm in a good mood on the surface but deep down depressed and nothing satisfies me. Seems my favorite things I can't 'get into' as I normally do.

    I just force myself to act normally (as best as I can) when I'm in my "weird" or "funk" mood.

    Wish you well Nicole.

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    1. TD, thanks for the warm wishes. It's funny that you just try to force yourself to act normally. They say to fake it until you make it! :) I know that's corny, but work with me!

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  8. This made me want to cry. Sometimes when I read your blog it's like your saying what I'm feeling/thinking. I cry almost everyday at some point...not just because I am sad, but because I'm...frustrated. I'm painfully aware that at 19 years old I shouldn't be feeling this way. I should still be enjoying a young, healthy, completely functioning body. I shouldn't feel like I'm 60 and gradually declining. I'm sorry you too are going through this. I guess all we can do is work together to not be as bitter as we feel.

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    1. Nici is pretty, Wow. You said a mouthful. My heart goes out to you. It's not easy. I was diagnosed young as well, 25 in nursing school. Bitterness just compounds thing for me. I find that if I can still hang on to my piece of mind I feel like I'm giving this MS thing a run for its money. Kinda strange but it sort of eases the blow for me. Does that make sense?

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    2. Oh, absolutely. I think as long as we convince ourselves that we are stronger than this disease it's not as bad. But of course, there will always be days where we just don't feel stronger than it.

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  9. Nicole-as always-this is so true and revealing what's so real for us who have MS. Somedays I don't even want anyone to visit-have no real reason why-other days I don't want to go anywhere. So, I would say all of us at one time (or 2 or more times) go through the "funk". I have really tried to open up and reveal my real feelings on my blog, but I'v always been such a private person. A person who always had that "being perfect syndrome", but you are an inspiration to many of us and that's why you have such a loyal list of follwers. What you say matters to all of us. THANKS FOR THE GREAT ARTICLE AND SHARING YOURSELF WITH US MY FRIEND.

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    1. Living with MS, Thank you so much for your kind words. You're right this feeling comes and goes. I stop being a private person when I entered acute inpatient rehab years ago! I had no choice but to humble myself and it just spilled over to my blog! Thank you so much for reading it!

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  10. I get into these funks also but mines right now are more emotional...not feeling of saying much mad at the world and people around me funk...I get even more frustrated when i'm asked "what's with ths attitude" not a hey are.you ok...sometimes I feeling like disappearing.....and tips would be appreciated from my fellow MS warriors!

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    1. ms warrior, I get those too. Can't offer much advice though, because it sent me to to the psychiatrist!
      So I guess that would be my two cents. She was able to help me deal with the anger. Who knew?

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  11. Looks like we all suffer from this to some degree. I think self awareness is key here. We've got to keep from slipping to far into these funks so as not to alienate the people we love and care about. I know it's easier said than done but we can do it because we are worriers!!! Lean on those that are there for you. Don't be afraid to ask for help and don't forget to give back when you can however you can.

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  12. You wrote how my life has been for awhile now. I pray God forgives me. I know its not something you just slip on and off but thank you for putting it in words!

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    1. Jennine, Your welcome. Thanks for taking time to read them!!!

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  13. I can sympathize with you, having to quickly adjust from "normal able-bodied" to my "new-normal cart scooting self". Maybe I am different, but I don't get envious, or wistful for what I can't do anymore. I went from being an athlete to being sedentary and found there is so much more for me to do, even within my four walls. Like Sherri Fournier said; Lean on those there for you. When adjusting to a new normal, no matter what the speed it comes into your life, it is important to also find a new happiness. Asking for help, or taking suggestions doesn't make us weak, it simply means we have to adjust differently, while trying to keep the MS monster at bay. Hope you get out of the funk soon.

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    1. christine,
      IT PASSED! The monster is at bay.

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  14. You're putting 'out there' how so many of us feel. My 'funk' lifts but only for a couple weeks at a time.

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    1. lhmarinez, Thanks for reading. I hope your 'funk' stays quiet.

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  15. Nicole, there is no way to minimize the seriousness of what is happening to you. But, as I was reading I was thinking of what funk used to mean in the music world and I was thinking, too bad being in a funk can't mean being in a groove that can bring enjoyment. Based on what I know about you, I am sure you try to find enjoyment where you can. Yours is simply a sad and unnecessary experience. You are handling it with grace, and of that you can be proud. And grace, by the way, does not mean you don't get angry or depressed on occasion, only that you are dealing with it on balance with elegance and dignity.

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  16. In 1988 I was told I had MS. They didn't know what it was, how I got it, how to treat it, how to prognose it, but I had it. My minister gave me a book to read called 'Why Do Bad Things Happen To Good People.' The example in the book was based on a woman who had MS. I didn't even read through to the first chapter. I was scared and had no idea what kind of monster I was dealing with.

    I lost family and friends, I have had all of the usual exacerbations, falling, slurring my words, walking like a drunk. All of the girls who used to come to our house to get ready for school stopped coming, telling my daughter that I was a drunk. My daughter left me and went to live with her father 1500 miles away. Optic neuritis, broken toes, feet, legs, arms, falling down the stairs, skull fractures. I have an MBA yet can't remember my grandchildren's names most times. Overdosed on Solu-Medrol, I had to have all of the cartilage in my knee replaced with cadaver cartilage and a bone graft done, remaining in bed (using a bedpan staying in bed) for 6 months until the graft healed. Breast cancer, heart problems.

    Fifteen years of interferon and chemo for the cancer ate the enamel off of my teeth and they had to pull all of them, so I have dentures. I have been forbidden to speak with my nieces and nephews. My son says talking with me is like playing $10K Pyramid. I used to give speeches and teach seminars.

    I don't like speaking on the phone when I am in a funk. I can't stop crying. Why me? What did I ever do to deserve this? Why won't the people I thought who loved me learn about what is happening to me?

    My husband is an angel. When I sleep for a week without knowing, he makes sure I am fed, clean and taken well cared for. I don't even know that I've been asleep for a week.

    The weather here has already been in the mid 90 degrees. I cannot go outside, once again I am locked in my prison for the summer. I will turn into a zombie if I go outside. I don't mean Twilight Zombie, either.

    So many times I wish I had never been born, never had to go through all that I do. I stopped all of the MS medications. They made me so sick - I have enough problems without the interferon problems. If it hasn't helped in 15 years, it isn't going to help at all. Lots of new meds for the newly diagnosed, nothing new for secondary progressive. Oh well, once again, I get the short straw.

    The therapist says, 'you've got to pull out of this again.' No kidding. How can the therapist know what I go through if she doesn't have MS? My doctor says I should be proud, allowing all of my records and test results to be used have helped to create new medications - for the newly diagnosed. Good for them, I am happy for them. Really, I am. I am so very unhappy for me.

    Those who have remained in my life will ask, 'how are you doing?' And I have to wonder and make a decision - do they really want to know or are they being polite. Mostly polite I decide. "Fine," I reply.

    I will cry for another week or two and will stop for a month or so and it will happen again. I will hear my son talk about the brother I used to have or the mother I once had and I will start crying again.

    I know life isn't fair. But why me? What did I ever do to deserve all of this? And my husband will hold me and make me feel as though everything will be ok.

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    1. Elseaeff, My mom has chronic Lyme Disease (misdiagnosed for 8 years, confined to a bed since 2000 almost constantly). She's gone through so many of the same things you have mentioned here. Only it was antibiotics and co-infections that ruined her teeth...also now weighs 70 pounds more than she ever has due to the doctor forgetting to take her off steriods. Anyway, I want you to know that someone out there gets it. I have MS and going through my own struggles, but my mom has suffered like no one I know...and why? She was a cardiac nurse before that little tick back in 1994 ruined everything. Like you, she has an endlessly devoted husband who gives everything he is to making things better for her. I'm so glad you have him. I know what he does for you because I've watched my step-dad do it for her. My sister and I haven't turned our backs, but many other family, friends, church friends have. It is beyond me how anyone can just shun a person like that who has done nothing to earn it. I know maybe I'm not helping with your funk, and I think you have every right to it, I just wanted to make you feel maybe a little less alone today. My heart is with you.

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    2. Elseaeff, as a fellow secondary progressive gal my heart aches for you. I don' t know the magic words to share with you. I just feel your pain and thank GOD for your hubby.

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  17. Ditto - I'm trying to figure it out, too. When I get out of my current funk, I'll let you know how I did it. Hang in there, all of us!

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  18. When this happens I remind myself no ones life is perfect and there are people worse off than me. I think of people who are going this alone without what I have for support. Being thankful, being honest with myself like you are here all help. Most of all my faith sustains me. I can't do half of what I used to but I am a human being, not a human doing and so I pray myself and others will see the value in what I can do. even if it is just pray or call someone who needs encouragement. that is what helps the most, finding someone who needs a kindness and giving it to them. hope you feel better soon

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  19. I think that it is totally normal to feel this way. In fact, I would be worried if we didn't feel this way from time to time. I had stayed away from my local gym for months until today. I had been in a "funk" myself. I have been sad and hurting and basically feeling sorry for myself. Worried and at times even consumed with my MS. When my company started their "biggest loser challenge" I was nervous about participating. I even worried about how I look working out and what happens if I can't walk out of the gym or if I fall. Not today though...for some reason today, when I pulled in and saw all of those cars in the parking lot every part of me wanted to go the other direction. I said no to the "funk" and put one foot in front of the other and did just fine if you ask me as my slow but stead pace on the treadmill. No one batted an eye my direction and I walked out just fine.

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    1. MS_TheScoop, Yayyyy for you. You won that day!

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  20. Thank you so much for posting this. I have been feeling like this so much lately and I can't describe it as depression because it's not always sad. But the anger part - when you said that I felt like finally, someone can explain it better than I can myself.
    I'm in a funk right now and am trying so hard to pull out of it. I'm also extremely stressed. I just need a break, at least that's what I keep telling myself.
    Thank you again for posting. Sometimes I forget, I'm not alone in this crappy disease!

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    1. Pamela, thank for taking the time to read my words. I think that helps me too. FYI I think this little rant was due to an infection. Who knew?

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    2. I have so much anger in me that it terrifies me! I have been searching for ways to control it and have come up with nothing so far. I even contacted Dr. Phil. I fall into this " Funk " too often and feel depressed, anxious and angry. I am on multiple meds and would like to come off of some. It is nice to hear I am not alone with this Horrific Illness and it's lousy symptoms !

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  21. The only way I can deal with all these issues is to keep going. I too seclude myself from time to time but I never stop no matter how tired or how bad I hurt I never stop cause once I give in to it and do stop then ms has won I cant have that and I wont!!!

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    1. Jennifer. Yes, that's the way I feel too!

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  22. I was diagnosised 15 year's ago at the age of 19 and can relate in one way or another. Lost my ability to walk,drive,& had to stop working all within the last 6yrs. The main thing that has kept me going is my Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ. His word promises that He'll never leave or forsake us as long as we look to Him. God always keep His promises!

    Lord Jesus I pray for your people asking that you step in and touch our physical, mental,emotional, and spiritual being. Build us up where torn down & strengthen where we're weak. Father give us strength for the journey in Jesus Name, amen!

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  23. I understand what you are going through because I am there alot of times too. But one thing you do have is a husband that seems to be caring. Just imagine being "single" and wishing you had a husband to be there for you.

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  24. Nicole,

    You are certainly entitled to be angry! Lord knows you have a lot to deal with, and your loving husband loves you for who you are. Marriage is difficult enough without a chronic illness - add into it the wonder of MS! I hope this too shall pass and you will get back to the loving and happier person we all know you are. You deserve happiness. I hope this helped.

    Best,
    Cathy

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    1. Cathy, Yes it did. It really does help.

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  25. Hello Nicole,
    I agree it happens to all of us, but try to focus on the positive things in your life (Spouse, Kids & things you can still do). Exercise is a go way of relieving stress & getting positive thoughts. In my own experience my spouse still counts on my support with things I still can do. Which makes me happy, Hope this helps, you can do it :-)

    Dave

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    1. Dave,

      I take any and all advice. Those are good points. Thanks.

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  26. You should get out of my head.... I have also been angry lately.
    I saw a YouTube video one time of a woman with MS. In it she said she asked her father 'Why me?' Her father replied, 'Why not you?'
    When I get down I say that over and over again 'Why not me.' It humbles me.

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    1. Riss Gibbs,

      I need to find something that humbles and helps me in the same way.

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  27. Nicole, well said (read) I'm not one to get in a funk, spent too much time in that before I learned I had m.s. Being forced to slow down because of m.s. I've learned how many little things I had missed out on, by running here and there always feeling I was a step behind and seemed to fall short. There just didn't seem to be enough time, looking always at a clock everywhere I went. Now I look at what I got and it's enough, learning to roll with the punches m.s. lands, what I've lost isn't important because that's not within my control to change. What I do with what I've got is enough. So I'll do my best I can with what I've got to work with and that's good enough.

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    1. Mary,

      "What I've lost isn't important because that's not within my control to change." You said it sister.

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  28. Nicole I wish I could say that I don't know what you mean about the funk,but I can't. I lost more than I care to think about and am trying to make it one day at a time. I find that when I get into that kind of funk I sleep or close myself away from everybody. I don't go out I don't talk on the phone to my kids and I try not to think about what I lost. If I do it makes me so angry that I could eat and spit nails. It takes a few days and then I slowly start feeling better. I hope that you can figure out how to work through them as quickly as I have. I pray everyday for those of us that have MS and for the people who don't understand. Take care hon and god bless

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    1. Shawn,

      One day at a time is not a bad plan. Just like you, for me getting mad and then moving on helps.

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  29. Thank you for giving me a name I can relate to the way I am feeling. I used to be a very outgoing person with many friends. Now I have little interaction with the world except my groups. Going out is something I would love to do until it is time to do it. It takes so much energy. People don't keep their houses cool enough. I am so drained after a short outing it takes me days to feel good again.
    Thanks for sharing and thanks to the rest of you who have shared. It helps me.

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    1. weaveroflight,

      I am in the same boat. An outing takes so much out of me sometimes its better to stay home. Also the Summer is coming so please be careful in the heat.

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  30. Wow.. I'm still newly diagnosed and not doing as bad. At first I was relieved to find out there is actually something wrong that explains all the weird stuff (that Dr's still don't seem to believe me about) that has been going on since I was 16! I know that I have five children and I feel like crap because I'm yelling at them a lot because I'm tired and in pain as if it's their fault. I try and try to explain to my twelve and ten year old and they seem as if they're not to concerned. I'm not upset but disappointed because I thought I've been raising them to be extremely considerate. I am also a divorcee of four years and their father knowing my recent diagnoses is insisting I accommodate him by driving the children to and from my home state to his resident state which is two hours away in both directions. This is so bad we're in court and it's now going to trial. I am in and out of these funks. I've always been the strong one. Everyones rock and I'm terrified and have no one to really talk to. I feel like when I bring up what's going on everyone around me is just like whatever. You can handle this. You're the strongest person I know. well such and such has MS and she's doing great. Well I feel terrible! I'm tired, I hurt and I'm scared and pretending all the time because I'm determined to be a good role model. I just needed to vent and get this off of my chest. I noticed the date was fairly recent so I figured maybe there is something going on and this too shall pass. Thank you for the forum to get this off of my chest. I hope it makes me feel better. I'm sorry for sounding and being so selfish.
    Sincerely,
    Angela

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    1. Angela,

      Selfish? Wow, you are so hard on yourself. The great thing about talking to other people with MS is that your "complaining" doesn't sound like complaining. I can relate to everything you just stated. This is the place to "vent" we all know and most will Amen your situation. Please come back and post more statements because believe it or not just telling your story helps other people.

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    2. Angela,

      So glad I finally found a single mother who feels the same way I do.I am very happy for all of you who have supportive spouses but for me when I was diagnosed my husband was anything but supportive! That is why he is gone! I now have the job of raising my 2 young boys alone with MS! Hardest thing to do when you are always stressed, tired and cranky! I would love to be in touch with you Angela if I could. We could vent to eachother and probably feel better after!

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    3. Angela,

      I am so glad I finally found another woman who is raising her kids alone with MS. I was diagnosed 4 1/2 years ago and my husband was anything but supportive! That is why he is now gone. I am now forced to raise my 2 young boys alone with MS. It is the hardest thing to do when you are always stressed, exhausted and cranky! We could vent to eachother, I think it would be helpful. I feel so bad for what you are going through! I would really love to be in touch with you. I am always yelling at my 2 boys too, the guilt is almost unbearable! Maybe we could be in touch somehow to bounce stuff off eachother and support one another.

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  31. As a man, living with MS since 1994, I call my "funk" - Bruised Pride.

    Too many times have I had to stop doing regular "manly" tasks & chores around the house for fear of causing an exacerbation. I've tried to make up or compensate for it by going to the grocery store (I use the shopping cart as a walker) with my wife. I also try to stay up or out longer with the children, but even that is challenging. Even certain aspects of my job (I am an IT Project Manager) have become daunting.

    What bothers me more than the fatigue, is that I snap at my family when my pride is bruised. How do I explain it's a "Man Thing"? They just end up wanting to do it for me, which aggravates me more. I end up saying to them: I am not disabled.....

    I guess we're all learning how to deal with effects of MS. It just seems more challenging when my pride is bruised.

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    1. Rod,

      It sounds like you are on the right track. You already have backup plans such as shopping and longer family time. Now the hard part is to swallow your pride and learn to accept help. It took me a long time to learn this and I can understand how it would be tougher for a man. I have blogged about this before and it is one of the hardest issues to deal with (Pride).

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  32. I get in the "funk" a lot and it gets worst when people around me that don't understand it just labels me as being mean. When I'm in the "funk" I just want to be alone or talk to people that know how it feels to go through what I go through. People without MS just don't get it no matter how much they think that they know because they only go by the few symptoms that are listed on a few websites. What they don't know is MS touches on so many things.

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  33. I have gotten the mean thing before. Once at a standing room only concert a lady told me I had the best seat in the house (my wheelchair). I sharply told her, "Why don't we switch places". I was mad because I couldn't see the concert very well from my wheelchair while everyone else was standing. She later came back and told me she did't mean to offend me.

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  34. Oh, this makes me cry...I am actually mad at my husband right now for breaking his ankle playing rugby with some of his buddies. He started playing rugby six months ago, around the time I started my first full blown attack. I was furious that he could be so brazen and irresponsible with his body. Right now he is on crutches, I should be understanding about "limping around" but I feel mad at him about it. I got my lumbar puncture last week the same time he got his cast, so now we are both a mess. This situation also brings something into focus for me... as fiercly independant as I think I am, I am becoming "dependant". For me this stings beyond measure. I have read on other blogs not to push away the people we love, but it sure would feel good to smack em, every once in awhile. ~~hugs your way~~ Olivia

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  35. i am right there with you. In a funk now, myself!. But it's nice to know I'm not alone

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  36. My mother in law bought me one of the best gifts I have had in a LONG time. I am losing my fine motor skills, but she bought me a pottery class. I loved every second of it. The class made me realize that I am never going to get to the finish line like everyone else...going at my own speed and doing things so that I can try at least to do something my way. My husband refused to allow me to buy a kiln and my own wheel. I could have had both for a steal. He pointed to all my "failed" tries at hobbies. I should have just gone and gotten the wheel and the kiln and ignored him. Right now I would be happily trying to make coasters or bowls.

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  37. I thought I was the only one to go through "the funk". Holy cr*p. This is awesome, i am in the funk right now. I went through a funk about 3 years ago, so bad I was suicidal, and my husband and I were having marital issues. Now it is just a funk, and I am thinking about going to counseling, which was the only thing that helped a few years ago as I was allergic to most depression medications. Thank you for sharing your story, now I don't feel so alone. We tend to hurt the ones we love and my kids are the ones I am so frustrated with now! They are older and most of them live on their own, but still come to me for help or questions and frustrate me to no end.

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  38. I am in a funk now too. I'm glad I'm not alone.

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  39. I'm in a funk. I think I'm depressed. But I'm glad I'm not alone.

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